Life's Lessons at 4 am

Its never a good sign for me to be awake at 4 am. I am usually aware of the White Knight getting up in the morning to go to the gym, coming back and then going to work, but falling back asleep until 6:30 or so is rarely a problem for me. Unless, that is, I have something on my mind. Most of us have those nights where we stare at the ceiling, unable to go to sleep because our brain won't stop thinking. I get that in the morning as well where my brain is unable to relax and wakes me up bright and early to beginning running over the details again. A busy brain usually happens before a large event at the restaurant where details of how and when and who kept running through my head not allowing my body to quiet down. In order to relax, I have to take the time to write out the details of the event to the letter to give my brain the reassurance that, "yes, the details are taken care of you can quit thinking about it now."

Despite a large event tomorrow, this morning's early rising has more to do with emotional and relational circumstances than work details running through my mind. These worries will not be set aside by writing out the details. I have to deal with the people involved as well as my own 'vain imaginations' on the subject. You know, life's Lessons are rarely flattering to the participant. Instead these learning times followed by introspective thoughts reveal our pettiest and most selfish qualities. Not something a perfectionist likes to dwell on. Admitting the shortcomings in myself seems to be the hardest part. I like to be right and I really, really, REALLY don't like to be wrong. Recognizing the problems and their solutions doesn't mean I want to fix them.

If you are aware of a person's desires / wants/ emotional needs are you obligated to go outside of your comfort zone to accommodate them? For instance, if you know someone's love language is touch, yet you avoid hugging them as it makes you uncomfortable (i.e. - not your love language) is that selfishness? Probably. Accommodating them would come under the heading of 'giving of yourself.' It probably depends on the relationship and your desire to deepen the relationship or not. I notice my desire to accommodate my loved ones is directly related to how I am feeling about them at the time. When I am irritated at them, my patience level with their weaknesses has a lower threshold and I find myself deliberately NOT accommodating them. As if withholding something they want or need from me at the time will make ME feel better about them or myself? Am I punishing them for some veiled slight or long ago offense? Or am I punishing them for not recognizing MY desires / wants/ emotional needs and not accommodating me?

Its a hard thing to look in the mirror, judge yourself, and find yourself lacking - to know that you're not as selfless as you want to be or others believe you to be. I would think God uses the stillness of the night and early morning to bring things to light that need our attention. Its probably the best time to get MY attention as I stuff my waking hours with all sorts of distractions. So here I am, up at 4 am and meditating on one of Life's Lessons - serving others.

Community Theater

My Knight and I just just finished up a weekend of performances with a local community theater company - Kaleidoscope. The play was truly a family affair with 4 married couples, cousins, mother and son, mother and daughter, sister and brother, sisters, and 2 father and daughter teams participating in the production. My Knight and I played the young couple in love forbidden to marry by a money-grubbing father who wanted the rich, elderly man of the town for a son-in-law instead. To avoid marriage, I (Lucy) promptly lose my voice and spend the whole play being 'doctored' by a variety of quacks. The play is appropriately title 'Is there a doctor in the house?' While I do have one duet with my White Knight (Lester) I spend most of the play sitting on a bench center stage and being extremely expressive while pretending to not be unable to speak. It was really quite funny. While the casting was quite appropriate, it was just funny that one of the more experienced singers sang less than anyone else and the dance major spent most of her time sitting on a bench being 'doctored' rather than participating in the assigned choreography.

Along the lines of family, we were able to bring the Munchkins with us to practices along with two of the other married couples who had young kids. The Munchkins could quote from the play and were often singing their favorite songs from the production. They still remember words for previous musical productions we've done with the same director.

I spent most of my time in the left corner of behind stage when not on stage as there was no crossover behind the curtains. The ladies and I had quite a few interesting conversations about men and such while we were stuck back there for the last week of rehearsals and the production. Great way to-got-to-know people - isolate them and don't give them anything to do other than talk and review lines!

Happy Mother's Day

I received my first mother's day gift from my son yesterday!

My White Knight has always been wonderful about taking the kids shopping and getting me something for Mother's Day and my birthday, but this was different. This was from him. He'd made a small potted plan in kindergarten and had it stapled shut in a bag marked "Happy Mother's Day Mom from ____ ." I made all the appropriate compliments, but was careful not to assume that the bag was for me. After a few minutes, not sure he was handing me the bag to keep or just to look at, I made sure and asked if it was for me. And it was! It was ME he chose to honor with his Mother's Day present!