The Burden of Finances ( i.e. The Grace of God)

Ever heard the statistic, "money is the number one reason for divorce in our country?" How about, "half of all new businesses fail within their first year?" Well, I have both a new business and a new marriage. I could easily become weighed down with the struggling 'financials' of our small business during these troubled economic times. Our personal finances which are based on the success of the business might also become a burden. Which one gets priority? Our paychecks on time or the business checking account? Luckily - or divinely rather - my personal finances have never had to be sacrificed for the business. In fact, my husband and I observed the opposite this month.

Coming off a very bad December in terms of business finances (the weather really did a number on us) we began the month of January already in the whole. Typically, January is a very slow month as people are recovering from their splurches the month before. Not very encouraging when you think about it. Something amazing happen - rather than the lower than average month we expected, we watched as the reservation book began to fill with special events and large parties. Our anticipated worst week was instead our busiest with 2 dinner parties, 2 luncheons and several larger reservations!

From the beginning, I knew that God had 'greased the way' for us, so to speak. Even getting into the place we now operate was all about doors being opened for us along the way. Over the last three years, our large events and caterings have always paid off right when we needed the money the most. A prospective employee showed up at our door right when we needed them (i.e. my husband to be). I suppose I have gone accustom to those small miracles God performs for me several times a year. I take them for granted. It was quite a wake up call when my husband mentioned he'd been praying for the business and hadn't I? No, actually, I hadn't. I was too use to God pulling us through I guess I didn't think I had to ask anymore. I'd like to say I remember to say thank you but that's not always true either. God has met our finances in a big way this month and I pray he will continue to do so. We're not out of the woods yet!

The Stepmom Talk

A stepmom, especially a full custody stepmom, has all the normal worries every mother has running through her head - Am I being too strict? Am I being to lenient? How are their grades? Sports or music lessons? We all have the same worries about future situations too - puberty, the sex talk, first date . . . You get the idea. Stepmothers, however, have to worry about another set of future situations. Generally these are situations deal with biomom vs. stepmom and being a blended family. Being the kind of person I am - a planner - I tend to visualize these future scenarios quite readily and try to anticipate my response.

Recently, I have discovered that I am subconsciously preparing myself to hear the phrase"Your not my mom" one of these days. It will probably be in response to my direction to say or do something. What will I say? How will I respond? The traditional "I may not be but this is my house" tact? I know they're only 4 and 5 right now, but still, those are the kinds of worries that rattle around in my brain! This recent post is the result of an interesting situation came up the other day that in turn spiked my tendency to visualize future scenarios that may never happen.

Upon returning from one of their infrequent (hopefully, weekly) visits with Biomom, the White Knight and I were treated to a very matter a fact statement from our youngest about how I was there 'stepmom.' We both sat stunned for a second as we had never used that term in our household before. They use a very cute, mixed up version of my name each with their own variation. The 'th' in my name was very hard for them to pronounce when we were first getting to know each other and we've haven't corrected their versions of my name since. I never anticipated having to address the issue of what they should call me until such a time as there was a third (or forth) child in our household. Apparently, Buddy had innocently referred to ME as his 'mom' while visiting HER prompting a talk from her on her part with the kids about the difference between the two of us. It was a really cool feeling to know Buddy thinks of me as his mom with the title and everything. It was unfortunate the kids had to hear about the complexities of relationships from her. You never truly know the effect words have on young minds where ideas are just forming about the larger issues of life. My husband and I have to constantly be on guard about what the kids pick up from their visits with their Biomom. She makes promises, voices big plans and ideas that rarely happen. How do you explain to a child that mom's new boyfriend's daughter is not their sister?

The Puppet Raises its Ugly Head

In my business blog - www.foodwineandkids.blogspot.com - back in November I had a few posts about my volunteer experience on the board of a local non-profit. My frustrations were huge! There were two individuals I referred to as The Puppet and The Tyrant who were the cause most of the problems. Here's an update.

I really hate (yes, I said hate) losing sleep over something as low on my priority list as a volunteer position. Yes, its important to me. Yes, I've made a commitment to the organization to serve on its board for another year. But at the end of the day, if I lose sleep about something, it should be about my business, my livelihood, or my family - those things which are essential to my physical and mental well-being. It may have been a combination of an oncoming cold which made made me very achy and a tense board meeting earlier that evening. Whatever the reason, I spent hours lying in the dark last night going over in my mind what has happen in the past, what happened at the board meeting and, in fact, writing this blog in my mind.

The Puppet, if you will remember, I described as a good person who was a 'puppet' of the Tyrant. The Tyrant is out of the picture now. She has not been seen or heard from except in the rare third party over the last two months. From what I have been told of her past, I don't expect that to remain that way forever. She will no doubt turn up in a few months pretending nothing was said or done. She has done horribly in her representation of Conservative, Christian business women. I am quite ashamed to be associated with her even in as much as a part of the organization she formerly led. We spend TOO much time making up for her slights to various community organizations, individuals, and past members of the organization. Anyway, enough on her. Back to The Puppet who is the true focus of my rant tonight.

I can no longer think of The Puppet as a good person who was led astray. Honest people admit their mistakes and do their best to fix them. They do not go out of their way to cover their own butts at every opportunity! When all The Puppet can admit to and apologize for is not holding enough meetings or staying on top of things better, I just wanted to shake him! It was YOU, I wanted to say! YOU allowed The Tyrant her reign. You allowed our treasury to be draining with unapproved expenses. YOU allowed the reputation of our organization to be trashed. YOU gave The Tyrant approval to do as she pleased without the consulting the rest of us, thus setting us on this road to ruin. These were not the actions of an honest person. I can no longer consider his actions a simple misplacement of trust in The Tyrant. When you don't admit the wrong, you take no responsibility for your actions. You lose more than the pride you thought to salvage by hiding. Without the humility to admit your mistakes, you lose all credibility. Do you know what? The VALIDITY of the problems within our organizations, were questioned by a city Council person based on the credibility of this man and his place in leadership. If he was involved then there had to be an explanation, right?

Lessen learned! It may take 30 years to build a solid reputation, but only one dishonest move to bring it all crashing down around you. Pride comes before a fall every time.

Resolution

I am not big on New Years resolutions. It always seemed too much like a set up to fail. Why do you need a holiday to do what you know you ought to be doing anyway? Eat better? Exercise? Quit a bad habit? I don't like it, so I don't do it. All that to say, I have made a resolution. Its not a New Years resolution - however convenient the timing. Its a personal commitment to regular blogging.

I was horrible at keeping a journal when I was young. Same goes for writing letters to my pen pal. She was lucky if she got two a year! Because I wrote so infrequently, what I did write often ended up being a short novel when I got through catching up on everything that had happen since last contact. I will NOT do that with this blog. My other blog is more business related and posts often double as news articles in the restaurant newsletter. Not so here. I figure short and regular is better than long and infrequent. My goal is at least to two posts a week. Wish me luck!

My White Knight

Traditionally a 'White Knight' is a man of supernatural virtue. He is the hero who rescues the helpless maiden and withstands all tests of his virtue to emerge unscathed from the fires of the dragon and the temptations of the enemy.

Sound familiar?

Well, that's the fairy tale. In real life, heroes get tarnished and even fail sometimes. What starts off as a pure white armor is quickly destroyed by the tests and trials of life. Temptation lurks around every corner and a knight relying only on himself is bound to fail. The beauty of a supernatural savior such as ours is the opportunity for all to be washed clean from the soot of life. To once again be as white as snow. My husband is indeed my White Knight, my hero who has been burned by the fires of life, but humbled himself to be wash clean by a loving savior. His testimony has been made stronger by his experiences.

While I was no helpless maiden to be rescued from a dragon, my White Knight saves me everyday from myself. His ability to take lightly those small irritants that would bother me allow me to let go. His deep love for me gives me strength and confidence as a mother, a daughter, a business owner and woman. His unselfishness with time and energy challenges me to give more to those close to me. His care for others calls me to care more. I love him. I love who I am when I am with him. I love who we are together. I love what we will do together. I love the next fifty years we'll be together.