Worship Through the Ages

The family and I spent several months searching for a new home church, since finding that the church I grew up in was too far away to maintain relationships. From a previous post you may remember the check list.

1) Good message
2) Good worship
3) Good people
4) People our age (preferably with kids the same age as ours)
5) Good children's program

Rare is there all five characteristics in one church body and while I do understand no church is going to be like my old church, its hard to know when you find your new church home and when to move on.

Anyway . . . I think we're there! Good Message. Good People. A Children's Program. (A few) people our own age. Added bonus - my mother-in-law goes to church there too. The kids love going to church with their Grammie and she loves having us sit in the pew beside her. The only thing . . . the worship sucks! No offense. I have great hopes for the future. There is talent and new church leadership is sensitive to their shortcomings.

Worship is EXTREMELY important to me. I don't have words to describe it. I also don't have the words to communicate the feeling of nails on a chalkboard uninspired squawking on a stage labeled as worship creates either. It drives me nuts! I understand making a place in any worship service for yourself even with the driest songs and worst leadership, but I also recognize the distraction bad worship can be for the congregation. Instead of preparing the heart to hear the word I spend the time being irritated about what's going on on stage while the congregation zones out. All that aside, I spend way too much time thinking during the service when I should be listening. This last Sunday I was thinking about the shelf life of songs, in particular, worship songs. Here's the theory I came up with last Sunday.

I think there are very few songs that hold their power beyond the time in which they were written. This goes for songs of the world and songs of the church. The Beatles wrote a few songs that outlived their performance of them. "Amazing Grace" will always touch the heart. But, Lord knows, one hit wonders abound and last year's hits are long gone. Even recent powerhouse worship songs like "Shout to the Lord" and "How Great is Our God" aren't what they were the first ten times you heard them. I feel like most inspired worship music is given for specific times in the church body's growth. God's word is evolving as he gives new inspiration and breathes new life into the Word of God. He is not stagnant nor is our relationship with him. The same goes for worship music. New inspiration is given and new leaders and song writers step up each with their own skills and talents to be used. While there are a few universal messages that never lose their power, you don't recycle sermons. Worship songs are endlessly replayed and recycled and rarely with the power and intention of the original writers and musicians. If you're going to do an oldie but goodie, I feel like you should at least put a modern spin on it. I love what recent musicians have done with some of the classic hymns - adding a chorus to what is usually a bunch of wordy verses, playing with instrumentation and even the chords. Traditional Christmas songs are the best example of this. Wordy, traditional chords, no repetitive chorus, no emotional upswing just one feel the whole way thru. The list goes on. The words aren't the problem for most of the traditional hymns. More often than not, they're straight from the Psalms. The problem is you LISTEN to wordy songs, you don't enter into worship with them!

I could continue to expound (or rant, if you will), but I think I have said enough for now.

Near Wedding Disaster (i.e. giving thanks to God)

Weddings are supposed to be a jumping off point of a young couple's life together. Whether traditional or trendy the couple (particularly the bride) is emotional vested in the ceremony and what the event means. Even the most minor of 'hiccups' on this special day could ruin an otherwise perfect experience. Who hasn't seen or experienced a bridezilla moment at one point or another? It has always been my greatest fear to be the perpetrator who instigates one such bridezilla moment. Being a organized person and experienced in event planning, I would have liked to think that I think of everything and plan for every circumstance. Today, however, I was humbled.

A young couple who frequents the restaurant asked us to prepare a portion of their wedding reception menu. They would be taking care of the appetizers and one of the entrees. We would prepare and deliver two other entrees, the starch, the salad, the bread and dessert including a sheet cake for the cake cutting. Here's the kicker. The couple wanted the meal delivered, hot and ready to serve to the Yachats Lions Club. Simple right?

Well it should have been. Earlier I had entered the town of Yachats into www.googlemap.com in order estimate milage for the couples reception estimate. It was 75 miles, an estimated hour and half drive. Today, I arrived at the restaurant with time to load everything as well as giving myself (at my husband's suggestion) an extra half an hour drive time to deal with Saturday traffic on HWY 126. Just before leaving, I printed off exact directions to the reception site with the street address the bride had given me. But wait . . . these directions say it is TWO AND A HALF HOURS to the reception site! The Yachats Lions Club is apparently in Otterrock! Serveral more google map searches later, a frantic but fruitless look for a wedding party phone number, and a vague recollection of the bride mentioning something about Otterock, I rush out the door with said google map intructions in hand already forty-five minutes behind my new schedule.

As I speed along, I reasoned with myself. "Ok. I'm scheduled to arrive a half an hour before the ceremony. I'm only forty-five minutes behind. I'll get there fifteen minutes into the ceremony and no one will notice I am late," I thought. This reasoning alternated with "Oh God, please." Please get this slow car out of my way. Please don't let me miss my turn off again. Please make the road straighter so I can go faster. Things like that.

After a missed highway connection in Corvallis I arrive in Otterrock an hour later than the agreed upon delivery time and 344 4th street, Otterrock, Oregon is nowhere to be found. Not a single local knew of a 4th street OR a Lions Club in Otterrock. With my father talking me through a detailed google map description of Otterrock I arrive at 4th street and find myself on a deserted deadend road with no Yachat club in site. I have no choice but to disregard www.googlemaps.com and go with the logical assumption that the Yachats Lions Club is in Yachats (not Otterrock regardless of what google says) an hour away.

By this point, I had worried myself out. There was no way to make this better. "I've ruined this couples wedding," I thought. Appetizers will be gone. People will be just waiting around for me to show up. The bride will be frantic. If one digruntled customer tells ten about their bad experience, what will 120 disappoined/impatient/streesed wedding guests do? Have I just ruined by business reputation forever? WHAT CAN I SAY TO MAKE THIS OK?

Two hours late for my delivery, I pull up at the reception site. I see assorted guests standing outside, most with a drink in hand. I take a deep breath and pray one quick prayer. It was a simple prayer. "Please, God" I prayed. "Give me the words to make this right and give me peace."

First contact was nothing much. The two closest guys offer to help me carry. "Sure," I said. In my mind I am thinking, "I could use all the help I can get!" We begin carrying cambros through the guests to the kitchen. I begin setting up the buffet while the guys continue to haul things in. Then the GROOM asks what he can do to help!

Miracle of miracles! No words were neccessary. Things hadn't progress very far at all. The couple was still taking pictures. Appetizers were still out. The entree they were in charge of wasn't even ready to put out yet! I tried to apologize for being late. Trying not to make excuses, I explain about the Otterrock address and found that they had seen the same thing online. (They, at least, had already had a physical experince with the reception site.) They ended up APOLOGIZING TO ME for the stress I had experienced! They love the restaurant. They stop by for brunch on their way to the coast everytime. They tell (and will be telling) everyone about us. I couldn't have asked for (yet recieved) an easier situation than that. They let me know I can even be expecting a tip with return our equipment!

Now that's an answer to pray!

Munchkin Dictionary

We all carry on language patterns from our families - the old tomaeto vs tomauto debate. Kids have an additional language pattern which most grow out of. Most words in this language happen because young minds and mouths can't pronounce the English words the rest of us use. I've noticed our Munchkins have a few words that have stuck around. But cutest by far . . . are all of their variations on MY name.

Tabafa
Tabfa
Taba - taba (slow)
Tabataba (fast)
Taba

Initially these variation were because they had a problem pronouncing the 'th' in my name as I was getting to know them (and dating their father). Now their precious variations on my name alleviate the awkward 'what should they call me' moments most stepmothers have to deal with. I hope they never lose them, but am sure they will reach a moment around puberty where they'll feel the need to leave behind such childhood habits.

Joys of Small Business (i.e. family, money, and time off)

Dear small businesses owners:

You have my condolences and my congratulations. I never understood before my own business venture the hardships and joys of owning and running your own business.

* The never ending worry about money, staffing, and maintaining excellent customer service.
* The satisfaction of a happy diner, a gushing thank you letter, a successful event and regulars.
* The disappointment of a bad dinner service, a slow week, or money down the drain.
* The freedom to make you own schedule, take an extra day off, or decide the course of your efforts.
* The ownership of each success and failure alike.

A family run business has its own particular hardships and joys. Everything is personal and work always comes home with you. Everyone pitches in when the need arises, yet much remains unspoken. Every success is more meaningful. Every failure is more personal. Relationships affect every decision for the good and the bad. It can be a deal breaker or sealer.

Here's to you who take on business ownership, who make your own way, and work the long hours after everyone else has gone home. I prayer the best for you. I hope that you get ahead far enough to retire or pass on your legacy rather than working full time until you are 90. I pray for your health, that your body can withstand the hours, stress, and worry of owning a small business. I wish the best for all relationships and family members involved that all survive the trials of running a business and all come out unscathed on the other end and better for the experience. I understand now.

Grandparents (ie. breaking the curse)

This is re-post from last year which I removed to honor an uncle's request, but it needs to said. I love you grandpa!

June, 2009
Tonight I said Goodbye to my grandparents for, what I believe is, the last time. My grandmother has burnt has last bridge with my parents and my grandparents will be leaving tomorrow to live on the east coast. They will be living with their last child.

My grandmother has a long and sordid history of alienating and/or disowning one or all of her four children. It's a sad thing when the strongest memories I have of my grandmother are negative ones. It's a sad thing to watch a woman at the end of her life make the same prideful mistakes she made before you were even born. A lifetime of illness and fragile health brought about from resentment and a hardened heart. How can a mother disown a daughter who left her family and business in distress to 'rescue' her - move her lock, stock, and barrel into her own home sacrificing her own family to care for her parents? I don't understand it, but I watched it happen. In thinking about my grandmother, I have chalked her up to one of life's lessons - one I need to learn from. So what can I learn from my grandmother's lifetime of selfishness and self pity? OH, Let me count the ways!

1) Grow up. Mature with age and gain wisdom as you go. There's nothing less attractive than an 80 year old woman with the emotional maturity of a junior higher.

2) Learn from your mistakes. Life may be a spiral, but every time you come around again, the hurdles should be easier.

3) Age gracefully. Bitterness poisons you from the inside out. If you want to live a long and healthy life - live a happy life not storing up offenses and spewing at those around you.

4) Be real. Life is to short to fake your way through it. Life should never be about putting on a smiling face and pretending the ugliness of the night before never happened.

5) Give without the expectation of receiving. Give for the joy of giving not the satisfaction of being recognized. No one should feel guilty for not writing a thank you note.

6)Love without conditions. What do you have to cling to at the end of your life, but the relationships you've built throughout the course of it? Destroy them and you will be a sad, bitter, lonely old woman with nothing but your pride to cling to.

My greatest hope is to not carry these lessons through to my kids. I have enough to learn from in my life without repeating the mistakes of my ancestors.

THIS IS MY PRAYER . . .
May my pride not blind me to my own shortcomings.
May I have the grace to admit when I am wrong, the humility to make amends
and the desire to do better.
May I remember that all we have take from this world into the next are the
relationships we cultivate.
May my desire for control not control me.
May I love unconditionally, give without hesitation, and live joyfully.

GROW up and LEARN from your mistakes, AGE gracefully, GIVE without expectations, and LOVE unconditionally. Did I miss anything?

Life's Lessons at 4 am

Its never a good sign for me to be awake at 4 am. I am usually aware of the White Knight getting up in the morning to go to the gym, coming back and then going to work, but falling back asleep until 6:30 or so is rarely a problem for me. Unless, that is, I have something on my mind. Most of us have those nights where we stare at the ceiling, unable to go to sleep because our brain won't stop thinking. I get that in the morning as well where my brain is unable to relax and wakes me up bright and early to beginning running over the details again. A busy brain usually happens before a large event at the restaurant where details of how and when and who kept running through my head not allowing my body to quiet down. In order to relax, I have to take the time to write out the details of the event to the letter to give my brain the reassurance that, "yes, the details are taken care of you can quit thinking about it now."

Despite a large event tomorrow, this morning's early rising has more to do with emotional and relational circumstances than work details running through my mind. These worries will not be set aside by writing out the details. I have to deal with the people involved as well as my own 'vain imaginations' on the subject. You know, life's Lessons are rarely flattering to the participant. Instead these learning times followed by introspective thoughts reveal our pettiest and most selfish qualities. Not something a perfectionist likes to dwell on. Admitting the shortcomings in myself seems to be the hardest part. I like to be right and I really, really, REALLY don't like to be wrong. Recognizing the problems and their solutions doesn't mean I want to fix them.

If you are aware of a person's desires / wants/ emotional needs are you obligated to go outside of your comfort zone to accommodate them? For instance, if you know someone's love language is touch, yet you avoid hugging them as it makes you uncomfortable (i.e. - not your love language) is that selfishness? Probably. Accommodating them would come under the heading of 'giving of yourself.' It probably depends on the relationship and your desire to deepen the relationship or not. I notice my desire to accommodate my loved ones is directly related to how I am feeling about them at the time. When I am irritated at them, my patience level with their weaknesses has a lower threshold and I find myself deliberately NOT accommodating them. As if withholding something they want or need from me at the time will make ME feel better about them or myself? Am I punishing them for some veiled slight or long ago offense? Or am I punishing them for not recognizing MY desires / wants/ emotional needs and not accommodating me?

Its a hard thing to look in the mirror, judge yourself, and find yourself lacking - to know that you're not as selfless as you want to be or others believe you to be. I would think God uses the stillness of the night and early morning to bring things to light that need our attention. Its probably the best time to get MY attention as I stuff my waking hours with all sorts of distractions. So here I am, up at 4 am and meditating on one of Life's Lessons - serving others.

Community Theater

My Knight and I just just finished up a weekend of performances with a local community theater company - Kaleidoscope. The play was truly a family affair with 4 married couples, cousins, mother and son, mother and daughter, sister and brother, sisters, and 2 father and daughter teams participating in the production. My Knight and I played the young couple in love forbidden to marry by a money-grubbing father who wanted the rich, elderly man of the town for a son-in-law instead. To avoid marriage, I (Lucy) promptly lose my voice and spend the whole play being 'doctored' by a variety of quacks. The play is appropriately title 'Is there a doctor in the house?' While I do have one duet with my White Knight (Lester) I spend most of the play sitting on a bench center stage and being extremely expressive while pretending to not be unable to speak. It was really quite funny. While the casting was quite appropriate, it was just funny that one of the more experienced singers sang less than anyone else and the dance major spent most of her time sitting on a bench being 'doctored' rather than participating in the assigned choreography.

Along the lines of family, we were able to bring the Munchkins with us to practices along with two of the other married couples who had young kids. The Munchkins could quote from the play and were often singing their favorite songs from the production. They still remember words for previous musical productions we've done with the same director.

I spent most of my time in the left corner of behind stage when not on stage as there was no crossover behind the curtains. The ladies and I had quite a few interesting conversations about men and such while we were stuck back there for the last week of rehearsals and the production. Great way to-got-to-know people - isolate them and don't give them anything to do other than talk and review lines!

Happy Mother's Day

I received my first mother's day gift from my son yesterday!

My White Knight has always been wonderful about taking the kids shopping and getting me something for Mother's Day and my birthday, but this was different. This was from him. He'd made a small potted plan in kindergarten and had it stapled shut in a bag marked "Happy Mother's Day Mom from ____ ." I made all the appropriate compliments, but was careful not to assume that the bag was for me. After a few minutes, not sure he was handing me the bag to keep or just to look at, I made sure and asked if it was for me. And it was! It was ME he chose to honor with his Mother's Day present!

The First Spanking

Today I gave my first spanking as a mother. For an event I have spent months agonizing over, it was remarkably painless event - as far as spankings go.

Pretty Girl is a tempter of fate, a challenger of authority and pusher of all limits. The Knight and I have come to the conclusion that she rather regularly ASKS for spanking in her own way - pushing the limits just to see how far we will allow her to go. Up until today, I have let my insecurities about punishment prevent real consequences. There are definitely spanking-punishable offenses, and this was one. I am just amazed that I don't have any guilt! Maybe its because I wasn't angry and acting out of that place of anger. I was completely biblical about it. It was deserved and I was calm. Thank God for one big hurdle of motherhood conquered!

Tired, Tired, Tired

I am so tired. Tired on so many levels - physically, emotionally, spiritually, professionally. I am tired of drama. Tired of stress. Tired of meetings. Tired of being polite to everyone. Tired of be sensitive and understanding and pacifying. Tired not be able to spend time with my family like I want. Tired of the fact that my time is not my own, but committed to everyone else's project. What to do? What to do? What do I give up?

This seems to be a re-occurring theme in my life. I take on a lot. I fill up my schedule and then find that the combination of all of my commitments with their various meetings, events, and practices leaves me stretched very thin. It wasn't a huge problem when I was a single college student. Now that I am a married business owner with two kids, its a problem. In the past, I would run, run, run, crash and then get up and do it again. I allowed my self recovery time as my schedule was my own. Now - mornings come early no matter how much you did yesterday with a business to run and kids to corral.

Time is precious. I don't think I quite understood how precious it was until I became a wife and a mother. Your time is no longer own. Everything you do and every dollar you spend has to be accounted for with your partner. Not in a bad way. More of the full disclosure kind of way. Whatever your priorities prior to marriage, they change the moment you say I do (usually before in preparation for marriage). Doesn't quite answer the question - what to do, what to do - does it?

Worship

Worship. God, I miss it!

It's been over a year (with the exception of a visit to another church) since I feel like I've been a part of a GOOD worship service. The church we presently attend has a two out of five rating in my rating system:

1) Good message
2) Good worship
3) Good people
4) People our age (preferably with kids the same age as ours)
5) Good children's program

They've got the people and the message. We should be teaching our kids at home and you don't NEED people your own age to go to church with. But the worship. . . the worship just kills us! Its stale and old and totally uninspired. Today's service for example. There wasn't a song less than ten years old and most of them were over twenty -five (they print the dates in the programs)! The drummer played one beat the entire service. The vocalists stood perfectly still and stare at their lyrics the whole service. They clapped on the opposite beat and they read a pre-programed scripture between each and every song. Both my knight and I are very musical people. Its almost like nails grating on a chalkboard to sit through a worship service like this. That's how much it physically bothers me, not mention the spiritual aspect I am missing out on.

Growing up in a charismatic church and being a part of that worship team for so long, I feel I have a unique need for worship. A worship team is (or should be anyway) three steps ahead of the congregation in entering into worship. You're leading. The congregation won't go where you haven't prepared the way. Being on the worship team, I'd always been a part of reaching for that higher high. I also had the benefit of the natural high that can arise from being a musician and playing with other musicians. There is something incredibly exciting about being in that moment where you feel it all 'click.' Its an awesome feeling. All that to say, I feel it when the worship is off and I know that I have higher expectations than the average church goer.

Should we go back to my old church? I have a lot of history there. Its got a five out of five on my rating system. The only downside is how far away it is from where we live. Its hard to have relationships with people you can only see for a few hours on Sunday because the drive discourages more. As an added factor in my decision making, my sister recently let me know that the present pianist is stepping down. Am I ready to serve on a worship team again? Especially that worship team? It's changed so much since I was there. My sister is the only musician left on the team who served with our original worship leader, Ron. We spent 6-7 years learning how to worship with him as our leader. A very inspired worshiper, the rule with Ron was follow. We became experts at 'hearing' where the song was going as Ron was always open to following the spirit. We learned to play by ear, transpose to new keys in our head, pull out leads from cds and figure them out on our instruments. Change is hard, but abrupt change after years of continuity is harder still. The last year I was on the team was a ruff one. I had to work hard at not being offended by various changes made by leadership. Even so, I spent the last few weeks on the worship team in tears half the time. Sometimes tears are a part of the worship experience, but not these cleverly disguised ones.

The piano had been my instrument of worship for years. In the six years I had been playing in church, there had been no other pianist in the church. Suddenly there was! Somehow, it was assumed that I would be playing the synthesizer now instead of the piano with the addition of this second pianist. Let me tell you, the creativity factor is nil on a synthesizer compared to a keyboard. I felt like my ability to worship had been stripped. So strong were my feelings, I would literally break into tears during the worship service as I had to listen to another pianist struggle through a song I played for years! I couldn't participate, couldn't worship like I had before. After practices, I would cry on the way home in the car, knowing I had just heard a beautiful song with gorgeous piano fingerings, and I would not get the chance to play it. She was a classically trained pianist as opposed to my self-taught ear training, so maybe the switch made sense to leadership. Not to me.

I WAS offended. I knew that offense has no place in the church having seen its ill affect on my mom and our family. That doesn't mean I knew how to deal with it. Conveniently, my husband and I made the decision to find a church closer to home at that time. I never had to 'deal' with the offense. I avoided it. So where does that leave me today? We're still looking for a church to call home. I know that worship is in my blood, and I will again serve on a worship team. Its just a question of where, when, and how.

The Burden of Finances ( i.e. The Grace of God)

Ever heard the statistic, "money is the number one reason for divorce in our country?" How about, "half of all new businesses fail within their first year?" Well, I have both a new business and a new marriage. I could easily become weighed down with the struggling 'financials' of our small business during these troubled economic times. Our personal finances which are based on the success of the business might also become a burden. Which one gets priority? Our paychecks on time or the business checking account? Luckily - or divinely rather - my personal finances have never had to be sacrificed for the business. In fact, my husband and I observed the opposite this month.

Coming off a very bad December in terms of business finances (the weather really did a number on us) we began the month of January already in the whole. Typically, January is a very slow month as people are recovering from their splurches the month before. Not very encouraging when you think about it. Something amazing happen - rather than the lower than average month we expected, we watched as the reservation book began to fill with special events and large parties. Our anticipated worst week was instead our busiest with 2 dinner parties, 2 luncheons and several larger reservations!

From the beginning, I knew that God had 'greased the way' for us, so to speak. Even getting into the place we now operate was all about doors being opened for us along the way. Over the last three years, our large events and caterings have always paid off right when we needed the money the most. A prospective employee showed up at our door right when we needed them (i.e. my husband to be). I suppose I have gone accustom to those small miracles God performs for me several times a year. I take them for granted. It was quite a wake up call when my husband mentioned he'd been praying for the business and hadn't I? No, actually, I hadn't. I was too use to God pulling us through I guess I didn't think I had to ask anymore. I'd like to say I remember to say thank you but that's not always true either. God has met our finances in a big way this month and I pray he will continue to do so. We're not out of the woods yet!

The Stepmom Talk

A stepmom, especially a full custody stepmom, has all the normal worries every mother has running through her head - Am I being too strict? Am I being to lenient? How are their grades? Sports or music lessons? We all have the same worries about future situations too - puberty, the sex talk, first date . . . You get the idea. Stepmothers, however, have to worry about another set of future situations. Generally these are situations deal with biomom vs. stepmom and being a blended family. Being the kind of person I am - a planner - I tend to visualize these future scenarios quite readily and try to anticipate my response.

Recently, I have discovered that I am subconsciously preparing myself to hear the phrase"Your not my mom" one of these days. It will probably be in response to my direction to say or do something. What will I say? How will I respond? The traditional "I may not be but this is my house" tact? I know they're only 4 and 5 right now, but still, those are the kinds of worries that rattle around in my brain! This recent post is the result of an interesting situation came up the other day that in turn spiked my tendency to visualize future scenarios that may never happen.

Upon returning from one of their infrequent (hopefully, weekly) visits with Biomom, the White Knight and I were treated to a very matter a fact statement from our youngest about how I was there 'stepmom.' We both sat stunned for a second as we had never used that term in our household before. They use a very cute, mixed up version of my name each with their own variation. The 'th' in my name was very hard for them to pronounce when we were first getting to know each other and we've haven't corrected their versions of my name since. I never anticipated having to address the issue of what they should call me until such a time as there was a third (or forth) child in our household. Apparently, Buddy had innocently referred to ME as his 'mom' while visiting HER prompting a talk from her on her part with the kids about the difference between the two of us. It was a really cool feeling to know Buddy thinks of me as his mom with the title and everything. It was unfortunate the kids had to hear about the complexities of relationships from her. You never truly know the effect words have on young minds where ideas are just forming about the larger issues of life. My husband and I have to constantly be on guard about what the kids pick up from their visits with their Biomom. She makes promises, voices big plans and ideas that rarely happen. How do you explain to a child that mom's new boyfriend's daughter is not their sister?

The Puppet Raises its Ugly Head

In my business blog - www.foodwineandkids.blogspot.com - back in November I had a few posts about my volunteer experience on the board of a local non-profit. My frustrations were huge! There were two individuals I referred to as The Puppet and The Tyrant who were the cause most of the problems. Here's an update.

I really hate (yes, I said hate) losing sleep over something as low on my priority list as a volunteer position. Yes, its important to me. Yes, I've made a commitment to the organization to serve on its board for another year. But at the end of the day, if I lose sleep about something, it should be about my business, my livelihood, or my family - those things which are essential to my physical and mental well-being. It may have been a combination of an oncoming cold which made made me very achy and a tense board meeting earlier that evening. Whatever the reason, I spent hours lying in the dark last night going over in my mind what has happen in the past, what happened at the board meeting and, in fact, writing this blog in my mind.

The Puppet, if you will remember, I described as a good person who was a 'puppet' of the Tyrant. The Tyrant is out of the picture now. She has not been seen or heard from except in the rare third party over the last two months. From what I have been told of her past, I don't expect that to remain that way forever. She will no doubt turn up in a few months pretending nothing was said or done. She has done horribly in her representation of Conservative, Christian business women. I am quite ashamed to be associated with her even in as much as a part of the organization she formerly led. We spend TOO much time making up for her slights to various community organizations, individuals, and past members of the organization. Anyway, enough on her. Back to The Puppet who is the true focus of my rant tonight.

I can no longer think of The Puppet as a good person who was led astray. Honest people admit their mistakes and do their best to fix them. They do not go out of their way to cover their own butts at every opportunity! When all The Puppet can admit to and apologize for is not holding enough meetings or staying on top of things better, I just wanted to shake him! It was YOU, I wanted to say! YOU allowed The Tyrant her reign. You allowed our treasury to be draining with unapproved expenses. YOU allowed the reputation of our organization to be trashed. YOU gave The Tyrant approval to do as she pleased without the consulting the rest of us, thus setting us on this road to ruin. These were not the actions of an honest person. I can no longer consider his actions a simple misplacement of trust in The Tyrant. When you don't admit the wrong, you take no responsibility for your actions. You lose more than the pride you thought to salvage by hiding. Without the humility to admit your mistakes, you lose all credibility. Do you know what? The VALIDITY of the problems within our organizations, were questioned by a city Council person based on the credibility of this man and his place in leadership. If he was involved then there had to be an explanation, right?

Lessen learned! It may take 30 years to build a solid reputation, but only one dishonest move to bring it all crashing down around you. Pride comes before a fall every time.

Resolution

I am not big on New Years resolutions. It always seemed too much like a set up to fail. Why do you need a holiday to do what you know you ought to be doing anyway? Eat better? Exercise? Quit a bad habit? I don't like it, so I don't do it. All that to say, I have made a resolution. Its not a New Years resolution - however convenient the timing. Its a personal commitment to regular blogging.

I was horrible at keeping a journal when I was young. Same goes for writing letters to my pen pal. She was lucky if she got two a year! Because I wrote so infrequently, what I did write often ended up being a short novel when I got through catching up on everything that had happen since last contact. I will NOT do that with this blog. My other blog is more business related and posts often double as news articles in the restaurant newsletter. Not so here. I figure short and regular is better than long and infrequent. My goal is at least to two posts a week. Wish me luck!

My White Knight

Traditionally a 'White Knight' is a man of supernatural virtue. He is the hero who rescues the helpless maiden and withstands all tests of his virtue to emerge unscathed from the fires of the dragon and the temptations of the enemy.

Sound familiar?

Well, that's the fairy tale. In real life, heroes get tarnished and even fail sometimes. What starts off as a pure white armor is quickly destroyed by the tests and trials of life. Temptation lurks around every corner and a knight relying only on himself is bound to fail. The beauty of a supernatural savior such as ours is the opportunity for all to be washed clean from the soot of life. To once again be as white as snow. My husband is indeed my White Knight, my hero who has been burned by the fires of life, but humbled himself to be wash clean by a loving savior. His testimony has been made stronger by his experiences.

While I was no helpless maiden to be rescued from a dragon, my White Knight saves me everyday from myself. His ability to take lightly those small irritants that would bother me allow me to let go. His deep love for me gives me strength and confidence as a mother, a daughter, a business owner and woman. His unselfishness with time and energy challenges me to give more to those close to me. His care for others calls me to care more. I love him. I love who I am when I am with him. I love who we are together. I love what we will do together. I love the next fifty years we'll be together.