Life's Lessons at 4 am

Its never a good sign for me to be awake at 4 am. I am usually aware of the White Knight getting up in the morning to go to the gym, coming back and then going to work, but falling back asleep until 6:30 or so is rarely a problem for me. Unless, that is, I have something on my mind. Most of us have those nights where we stare at the ceiling, unable to go to sleep because our brain won't stop thinking. I get that in the morning as well where my brain is unable to relax and wakes me up bright and early to beginning running over the details again. A busy brain usually happens before a large event at the restaurant where details of how and when and who kept running through my head not allowing my body to quiet down. In order to relax, I have to take the time to write out the details of the event to the letter to give my brain the reassurance that, "yes, the details are taken care of you can quit thinking about it now."

Despite a large event tomorrow, this morning's early rising has more to do with emotional and relational circumstances than work details running through my mind. These worries will not be set aside by writing out the details. I have to deal with the people involved as well as my own 'vain imaginations' on the subject. You know, life's Lessons are rarely flattering to the participant. Instead these learning times followed by introspective thoughts reveal our pettiest and most selfish qualities. Not something a perfectionist likes to dwell on. Admitting the shortcomings in myself seems to be the hardest part. I like to be right and I really, really, REALLY don't like to be wrong. Recognizing the problems and their solutions doesn't mean I want to fix them.

If you are aware of a person's desires / wants/ emotional needs are you obligated to go outside of your comfort zone to accommodate them? For instance, if you know someone's love language is touch, yet you avoid hugging them as it makes you uncomfortable (i.e. - not your love language) is that selfishness? Probably. Accommodating them would come under the heading of 'giving of yourself.' It probably depends on the relationship and your desire to deepen the relationship or not. I notice my desire to accommodate my loved ones is directly related to how I am feeling about them at the time. When I am irritated at them, my patience level with their weaknesses has a lower threshold and I find myself deliberately NOT accommodating them. As if withholding something they want or need from me at the time will make ME feel better about them or myself? Am I punishing them for some veiled slight or long ago offense? Or am I punishing them for not recognizing MY desires / wants/ emotional needs and not accommodating me?

Its a hard thing to look in the mirror, judge yourself, and find yourself lacking - to know that you're not as selfless as you want to be or others believe you to be. I would think God uses the stillness of the night and early morning to bring things to light that need our attention. Its probably the best time to get MY attention as I stuff my waking hours with all sorts of distractions. So here I am, up at 4 am and meditating on one of Life's Lessons - serving others.

My White Knight

Traditionally a 'White Knight' is a man of supernatural virtue. He is the hero who rescues the helpless maiden and withstands all tests of his virtue to emerge unscathed from the fires of the dragon and the temptations of the enemy.

Sound familiar?

Well, that's the fairy tale. In real life, heroes get tarnished and even fail sometimes. What starts off as a pure white armor is quickly destroyed by the tests and trials of life. Temptation lurks around every corner and a knight relying only on himself is bound to fail. The beauty of a supernatural savior such as ours is the opportunity for all to be washed clean from the soot of life. To once again be as white as snow. My husband is indeed my White Knight, my hero who has been burned by the fires of life, but humbled himself to be wash clean by a loving savior. His testimony has been made stronger by his experiences.

While I was no helpless maiden to be rescued from a dragon, my White Knight saves me everyday from myself. His ability to take lightly those small irritants that would bother me allow me to let go. His deep love for me gives me strength and confidence as a mother, a daughter, a business owner and woman. His unselfishness with time and energy challenges me to give more to those close to me. His care for others calls me to care more. I love him. I love who I am when I am with him. I love who we are together. I love what we will do together. I love the next fifty years we'll be together.