We all carry on language patterns from our families - the old tomaeto vs tomauto debate. Kids have an additional language pattern which most grow out of. Most words in this language happen because young minds and mouths can't pronounce the English words the rest of us use. I've noticed our Munchkins have a few words that have stuck around. But cutest by far . . . are all of their variations on MY name.
Tabafa
Tabfa
Taba - taba (slow)
Tabataba (fast)
Taba
Initially these variation were because they had a problem pronouncing the 'th' in my name as I was getting to know them (and dating their father). Now their precious variations on my name alleviate the awkward 'what should they call me' moments most stepmothers have to deal with. I hope they never lose them, but am sure they will reach a moment around puberty where they'll feel the need to leave behind such childhood habits.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Joys of Small Business (i.e. family, money, and time off)
Dear small businesses owners:
You have my condolences and my congratulations. I never understood before my own business venture the hardships and joys of owning and running your own business.
* The never ending worry about money, staffing, and maintaining excellent customer service.
* The satisfaction of a happy diner, a gushing thank you letter, a successful event and regulars.
* The disappointment of a bad dinner service, a slow week, or money down the drain.
* The freedom to make you own schedule, take an extra day off, or decide the course of your efforts.
* The ownership of each success and failure alike.
A family run business has its own particular hardships and joys. Everything is personal and work always comes home with you. Everyone pitches in when the need arises, yet much remains unspoken. Every success is more meaningful. Every failure is more personal. Relationships affect every decision for the good and the bad. It can be a deal breaker or sealer.
Here's to you who take on business ownership, who make your own way, and work the long hours after everyone else has gone home. I prayer the best for you. I hope that you get ahead far enough to retire or pass on your legacy rather than working full time until you are 90. I pray for your health, that your body can withstand the hours, stress, and worry of owning a small business. I wish the best for all relationships and family members involved that all survive the trials of running a business and all come out unscathed on the other end and better for the experience. I understand now.
You have my condolences and my congratulations. I never understood before my own business venture the hardships and joys of owning and running your own business.
* The never ending worry about money, staffing, and maintaining excellent customer service.
* The satisfaction of a happy diner, a gushing thank you letter, a successful event and regulars.
* The disappointment of a bad dinner service, a slow week, or money down the drain.
* The freedom to make you own schedule, take an extra day off, or decide the course of your efforts.
* The ownership of each success and failure alike.
A family run business has its own particular hardships and joys. Everything is personal and work always comes home with you. Everyone pitches in when the need arises, yet much remains unspoken. Every success is more meaningful. Every failure is more personal. Relationships affect every decision for the good and the bad. It can be a deal breaker or sealer.
Here's to you who take on business ownership, who make your own way, and work the long hours after everyone else has gone home. I prayer the best for you. I hope that you get ahead far enough to retire or pass on your legacy rather than working full time until you are 90. I pray for your health, that your body can withstand the hours, stress, and worry of owning a small business. I wish the best for all relationships and family members involved that all survive the trials of running a business and all come out unscathed on the other end and better for the experience. I understand now.
Grandparents (ie. breaking the curse)
This is re-post from last year which I removed to honor an uncle's request, but it needs to said. I love you grandpa!
June, 2009
Tonight I said Goodbye to my grandparents for, what I believe is, the last time. My grandmother has burnt has last bridge with my parents and my grandparents will be leaving tomorrow to live on the east coast. They will be living with their last child.
My grandmother has a long and sordid history of alienating and/or disowning one or all of her four children. It's a sad thing when the strongest memories I have of my grandmother are negative ones. It's a sad thing to watch a woman at the end of her life make the same prideful mistakes she made before you were even born. A lifetime of illness and fragile health brought about from resentment and a hardened heart. How can a mother disown a daughter who left her family and business in distress to 'rescue' her - move her lock, stock, and barrel into her own home sacrificing her own family to care for her parents? I don't understand it, but I watched it happen. In thinking about my grandmother, I have chalked her up to one of life's lessons - one I need to learn from. So what can I learn from my grandmother's lifetime of selfishness and self pity? OH, Let me count the ways!
1) Grow up. Mature with age and gain wisdom as you go. There's nothing less attractive than an 80 year old woman with the emotional maturity of a junior higher.
2) Learn from your mistakes. Life may be a spiral, but every time you come around again, the hurdles should be easier.
3) Age gracefully. Bitterness poisons you from the inside out. If you want to live a long and healthy life - live a happy life not storing up offenses and spewing at those around you.
4) Be real. Life is to short to fake your way through it. Life should never be about putting on a smiling face and pretending the ugliness of the night before never happened.
5) Give without the expectation of receiving. Give for the joy of giving not the satisfaction of being recognized. No one should feel guilty for not writing a thank you note.
6)Love without conditions. What do you have to cling to at the end of your life, but the relationships you've built throughout the course of it? Destroy them and you will be a sad, bitter, lonely old woman with nothing but your pride to cling to.
My greatest hope is to not carry these lessons through to my kids. I have enough to learn from in my life without repeating the mistakes of my ancestors.
THIS IS MY PRAYER . . .
May my pride not blind me to my own shortcomings.
May I have the grace to admit when I am wrong, the humility to make amends
and the desire to do better.
May I remember that all we have take from this world into the next are the
relationships we cultivate.
May my desire for control not control me.
May I love unconditionally, give without hesitation, and live joyfully.
GROW up and LEARN from your mistakes, AGE gracefully, GIVE without expectations, and LOVE unconditionally. Did I miss anything?
June, 2009
Tonight I said Goodbye to my grandparents for, what I believe is, the last time. My grandmother has burnt has last bridge with my parents and my grandparents will be leaving tomorrow to live on the east coast. They will be living with their last child.
My grandmother has a long and sordid history of alienating and/or disowning one or all of her four children. It's a sad thing when the strongest memories I have of my grandmother are negative ones. It's a sad thing to watch a woman at the end of her life make the same prideful mistakes she made before you were even born. A lifetime of illness and fragile health brought about from resentment and a hardened heart. How can a mother disown a daughter who left her family and business in distress to 'rescue' her - move her lock, stock, and barrel into her own home sacrificing her own family to care for her parents? I don't understand it, but I watched it happen. In thinking about my grandmother, I have chalked her up to one of life's lessons - one I need to learn from. So what can I learn from my grandmother's lifetime of selfishness and self pity? OH, Let me count the ways!
1) Grow up. Mature with age and gain wisdom as you go. There's nothing less attractive than an 80 year old woman with the emotional maturity of a junior higher.
2) Learn from your mistakes. Life may be a spiral, but every time you come around again, the hurdles should be easier.
3) Age gracefully. Bitterness poisons you from the inside out. If you want to live a long and healthy life - live a happy life not storing up offenses and spewing at those around you.
4) Be real. Life is to short to fake your way through it. Life should never be about putting on a smiling face and pretending the ugliness of the night before never happened.
5) Give without the expectation of receiving. Give for the joy of giving not the satisfaction of being recognized. No one should feel guilty for not writing a thank you note.
6)Love without conditions. What do you have to cling to at the end of your life, but the relationships you've built throughout the course of it? Destroy them and you will be a sad, bitter, lonely old woman with nothing but your pride to cling to.
My greatest hope is to not carry these lessons through to my kids. I have enough to learn from in my life without repeating the mistakes of my ancestors.
THIS IS MY PRAYER . . .
May my pride not blind me to my own shortcomings.
May I have the grace to admit when I am wrong, the humility to make amends
and the desire to do better.
May I remember that all we have take from this world into the next are the
relationships we cultivate.
May my desire for control not control me.
May I love unconditionally, give without hesitation, and live joyfully.
GROW up and LEARN from your mistakes, AGE gracefully, GIVE without expectations, and LOVE unconditionally. Did I miss anything?
Friday, May 29, 2009
Life's Lessons at 4 am
Its never a good sign for me to be awake at 4 am. I am usually aware of the White Knight getting up in the morning to go to the gym, coming back and then going to work, but falling back asleep until 6:30 or so is rarely a problem for me. Unless, that is, I have something on my mind. Most of us have those nights where we stare at the ceiling, unable to go to sleep because our brain won't stop thinking. I get that in the morning as well where my brain is unable to relax and wakes me up bright and early to beginning running over the details again. A busy brain usually happens before a large event at the restaurant where details of how and when and who kept running through my head not allowing my body to quiet down. In order to relax, I have to take the time to write out the details of the event to the letter to give my brain the reassurance that, "yes, the details are taken care of you can quit thinking about it now."
Despite a large event tomorrow, this morning's early rising has more to do with emotional and relational circumstances than work details running through my mind. These worries will not be set aside by writing out the details. I have to deal with the people involved as well as my own 'vain imaginations' on the subject. You know, life's Lessons are rarely flattering to the participant. Instead these learning times followed by introspective thoughts reveal our pettiest and most selfish qualities. Not something a perfectionist likes to dwell on. Admitting the shortcomings in myself seems to be the hardest part. I like to be right and I really, really, REALLY don't like to be wrong. Recognizing the problems and their solutions doesn't mean I want to fix them.
If you are aware of a person's desires / wants/ emotional needs are you obligated to go outside of your comfort zone to accommodate them? For instance, if you know someone's love language is touch, yet you avoid hugging them as it makes you uncomfortable (i.e. - not your love language) is that selfishness? Probably. Accommodating them would come under the heading of 'giving of yourself.' It probably depends on the relationship and your desire to deepen the relationship or not. I notice my desire to accommodate my loved ones is directly related to how I am feeling about them at the time. When I am irritated at them, my patience level with their weaknesses has a lower threshold and I find myself deliberately NOT accommodating them. As if withholding something they want or need from me at the time will make ME feel better about them or myself? Am I punishing them for some veiled slight or long ago offense? Or am I punishing them for not recognizing MY desires / wants/ emotional needs and not accommodating me?
Its a hard thing to look in the mirror, judge yourself, and find yourself lacking - to know that you're not as selfless as you want to be or others believe you to be. I would think God uses the stillness of the night and early morning to bring things to light that need our attention. Its probably the best time to get MY attention as I stuff my waking hours with all sorts of distractions. So here I am, up at 4 am and meditating on one of Life's Lessons - serving others.
Despite a large event tomorrow, this morning's early rising has more to do with emotional and relational circumstances than work details running through my mind. These worries will not be set aside by writing out the details. I have to deal with the people involved as well as my own 'vain imaginations' on the subject. You know, life's Lessons are rarely flattering to the participant. Instead these learning times followed by introspective thoughts reveal our pettiest and most selfish qualities. Not something a perfectionist likes to dwell on. Admitting the shortcomings in myself seems to be the hardest part. I like to be right and I really, really, REALLY don't like to be wrong. Recognizing the problems and their solutions doesn't mean I want to fix them.
If you are aware of a person's desires / wants/ emotional needs are you obligated to go outside of your comfort zone to accommodate them? For instance, if you know someone's love language is touch, yet you avoid hugging them as it makes you uncomfortable (i.e. - not your love language) is that selfishness? Probably. Accommodating them would come under the heading of 'giving of yourself.' It probably depends on the relationship and your desire to deepen the relationship or not. I notice my desire to accommodate my loved ones is directly related to how I am feeling about them at the time. When I am irritated at them, my patience level with their weaknesses has a lower threshold and I find myself deliberately NOT accommodating them. As if withholding something they want or need from me at the time will make ME feel better about them or myself? Am I punishing them for some veiled slight or long ago offense? Or am I punishing them for not recognizing MY desires / wants/ emotional needs and not accommodating me?
Its a hard thing to look in the mirror, judge yourself, and find yourself lacking - to know that you're not as selfless as you want to be or others believe you to be. I would think God uses the stillness of the night and early morning to bring things to light that need our attention. Its probably the best time to get MY attention as I stuff my waking hours with all sorts of distractions. So here I am, up at 4 am and meditating on one of Life's Lessons - serving others.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Community Theater
My Knight and I just just finished up a weekend of performances with a local community theater company - Kaleidoscope. The play was truly a family affair with 4 married couples, cousins, mother and son, mother and daughter, sister and brother, sisters, and 2 father and daughter teams participating in the production. My Knight and I played the young couple in love forbidden to marry by a money-grubbing father who wanted the rich, elderly man of the town for a son-in-law instead. To avoid marriage, I (Lucy) promptly lose my voice and spend the whole play being 'doctored' by a variety of quacks. The play is appropriately title 'Is there a doctor in the house?' While I do have one duet with my White Knight (Lester) I spend most of the play sitting on a bench center stage and being extremely expressive while pretending to not be unable to speak. It was really quite funny. While the casting was quite appropriate, it was just funny that one of the more experienced singers sang less than anyone else and the dance major spent most of her time sitting on a bench being 'doctored' rather than participating in the assigned choreography.
Along the lines of family, we were able to bring the Munchkins with us to practices along with two of the other married couples who had young kids. The Munchkins could quote from the play and were often singing their favorite songs from the production. They still remember words for previous musical productions we've done with the same director.
I spent most of my time in the left corner of behind stage when not on stage as there was no crossover behind the curtains. The ladies and I had quite a few interesting conversations about men and such while we were stuck back there for the last week of rehearsals and the production. Great way to-got-to-know people - isolate them and don't give them anything to do other than talk and review lines!
Along the lines of family, we were able to bring the Munchkins with us to practices along with two of the other married couples who had young kids. The Munchkins could quote from the play and were often singing their favorite songs from the production. They still remember words for previous musical productions we've done with the same director.
I spent most of my time in the left corner of behind stage when not on stage as there was no crossover behind the curtains. The ladies and I had quite a few interesting conversations about men and such while we were stuck back there for the last week of rehearsals and the production. Great way to-got-to-know people - isolate them and don't give them anything to do other than talk and review lines!
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Happy Mother's Day
I received my first mother's day gift from my son yesterday!
My White Knight has always been wonderful about taking the kids shopping and getting me something for Mother's Day and my birthday, but this was different. This was from him. He'd made a small potted plan in kindergarten and had it stapled shut in a bag marked "Happy Mother's Day Mom from ____ ." I made all the appropriate compliments, but was careful not to assume that the bag was for me. After a few minutes, not sure he was handing me the bag to keep or just to look at, I made sure and asked if it was for me. And it was! It was ME he chose to honor with his Mother's Day present!
My White Knight has always been wonderful about taking the kids shopping and getting me something for Mother's Day and my birthday, but this was different. This was from him. He'd made a small potted plan in kindergarten and had it stapled shut in a bag marked "Happy Mother's Day Mom from ____ ." I made all the appropriate compliments, but was careful not to assume that the bag was for me. After a few minutes, not sure he was handing me the bag to keep or just to look at, I made sure and asked if it was for me. And it was! It was ME he chose to honor with his Mother's Day present!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
The First Spanking
Today I gave my first spanking as a mother. For an event I have spent months agonizing over, it was remarkably painless event - as far as spankings go.
Pretty Girl is a tempter of fate, a challenger of authority and pusher of all limits. The Knight and I have come to the conclusion that she rather regularly ASKS for spanking in her own way - pushing the limits just to see how far we will allow her to go. Up until today, I have let my insecurities about punishment prevent real consequences. There are definitely spanking-punishable offenses, and this was one. I am just amazed that I don't have any guilt! Maybe its because I wasn't angry and acting out of that place of anger. I was completely biblical about it. It was deserved and I was calm. Thank God for one big hurdle of motherhood conquered!
Pretty Girl is a tempter of fate, a challenger of authority and pusher of all limits. The Knight and I have come to the conclusion that she rather regularly ASKS for spanking in her own way - pushing the limits just to see how far we will allow her to go. Up until today, I have let my insecurities about punishment prevent real consequences. There are definitely spanking-punishable offenses, and this was one. I am just amazed that I don't have any guilt! Maybe its because I wasn't angry and acting out of that place of anger. I was completely biblical about it. It was deserved and I was calm. Thank God for one big hurdle of motherhood conquered!
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